In case you don't have the slightest clue what I'm talking about, let's take a look at some omens, curses, and other elements of juju that I look out for.
1. "Is it for sale?", or "I'll buy that from you right now. How much do you want?"
A terrible, potent curse to lay on someone with an old vehicle that is not being advertised for sale, especially if it is their daily-driver. Assaulting the owner of the car with these questions is sure to bring them misfortune, most likely related to mechanical failure, a short period of time after your offer has been declined.
If you are the recipient of this curse, I have bad news: the only way to break it is to negotiate with the awful fucker that has hexed you and sell them the car. While no guarantee that you will totally avoid it's effects ("You sold it for how much?!? Man, I would've paid you twice that! I was actually planning to make an offer when you got ready to get rid of it!"), you stand a small chance of redirecting the curse to it's caster (see below). If you don't sell, you're guaranteed to find yourself in a situation where you wish you had, and soon.
2. "Driven daily for years, never had a problem with it! Reliable and rock-solid!"
Buying an old car that has any variations of these phrases used to describe it is sure to spell doom and constant unscheduled parts store trips. The phrases don't even have to be used, which makes this particular curse even more dangerous. A solid, trouble-free test drive will most often work as a serviceable proxy.
3. "It shouldn't X"
The curse one casts on themselves, and also the most consistent in manifesting. Saying this phrase while replacing 'X' with, "be too difficult", "take too long", "be hard to find a replacement for", and/or "cost that much", destroys all hope for any of those things being true. Sadness, despair, and pain are likely to be your reward for uttering these foul words that were almost certainly put into the minds of men by the most evil of demons.
4. Broken Window Cranks
The surest sign of debilitating illness lurking within the vehicle. Since it's all downhill from the point of that crank breaking/stripping/whatever, window crank problems should be treated as a condition that's as equally serious as a rod knock.
If you think I'm crazy now, just wait! Here are a couple examples of common entities I recognize as bringers of pain or glory:
1. The MOLligator -
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| Fig. 1: MOLligatus Bargetoteus |
Gentle, holy soul, blessed being, and best of friends, encountering any instance of the image of this friendly gator is assurance of success and the winds of luck blowing in your favor. No matter the weight of the load you're carrying, this big lizard is all too happy to help and provide a hearty handshake and a smile. Negates all curses, provides good fortune. Will not let you down.
2. Truckula(, Curse of the) -
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| Fig. 2: Dumbass pseudo-fangs |
The Truckula is a bastard of aggravation. A sure sign that you are about to encounter some level of irritation, minor misfortune, or general complication of traffic, the Truckula is a creature best avoided due to this curse they indiscriminately radiate. Their appearance is similar to what is depicted in Fig. 2, though with the cone fangs pointed downward, like. . . fangs. Fangs for nothing, Truckula.
3. Fortune Cookie -
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| Fig. 3: Deliciously litigious |
Luciferian sugar shell. The fortune cookie provides a snack, but on it's terms. Eating the cookie establishes a binding legal contract, the terms of which are printed on the bargain ribbon that the starch armor protects. Read it before you sign, don't eat it if the fortune isn't something you agree to.
So that's a quick intro to the world as I see it. If you're wondering why I'm sharing this, I felt the need to use far too many words to say that Eagle's window crank knob came off yesterday, and I am gravely concerned.
Back to the welder!
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